Coming Back Around
by Draco09
Summary: Rose is afraid of heights. The Doctor doesn't think so. 9/Rose *trigger warning: mentions of rape/sexual assault*


**A/N:** I've been reading some fics related to Jimmy Stone and how Rose might have dealt with him / the Doctor meeting him or facing him, etc. and I thought I might add something to the list.

This is also my first time writing the 9th Doctor. Not because I don't love him to pieces (I do), but he's harder to write for me personally and the 10th Doctor is much, much easier. Also, I'm scared of writing 9 afraid that I'll not do him justice or write him correctly. So this is a test for me! That and protective!9 and caring!9 gives me strength.

Trigger warnings apply, please be cautious.

* * *

Westminster Bridge was crowded as usual, the remains of Big Ben not as colorful as is usually was during the night in Southbank. Rose looked onwards towards the London Eye, wondering why she was being led here again. She wanted nothing more then to go back home and sleep. Almost having your planet eradicated by aliens did that to a person, but even when it happened hours ago she still felt tired and achy. Yet the Doctor seemed keen on taking her out again, a hopeful look in his eyes that she couldn't squash. So she let him drag her back out into the cold open air, the smell of asphalt and fried food and everything in between wafting around the city that was as awake as its American equivalent.

"Why're you takin' me here?" she asked him, her eyes pointing to the London Eye, which they were nearing with every step.

The Doctor's eyes lit up with a familiar mischief. "Thought you needed a break, is all. Sitting in that flat won't do you any good, eh?"

"I know," she said, rewrapping the colorful scarf around her neck from the chilly winds with one hand while holding on to his hand with the other. "'s just, I don't know what you're plannin'. You're all like, 'Rose, I want to take you somewhere for a mo' and then proceed to stay silent for most of the walk here. Is it a surprise?"

"No, not really. Thought it would be nice to take you somewhere normal for once. At least for you, anyway." She could have sworn he heard his tone slip into one that was defensive, but she pretended not to notice. She wanted to tease him about how _domestic_ his comment sounded but chose not to. There was always plenty of time for her to pick on him.

Her tongue poked out as she smiled, her tone playful. "C'mon now, Doctor, tell me! What's this about?"

By now they were in the midst of Belvedere Road, and the Doctor brought up his pace a bit with Rose tagging behind, his hand still in hers as he dragged her through the crowds to get to the middle of the street. The Doctor chuckled to himself as it seemed like such a short while ago they were just there, bringing down the Autons. He tossed a glance behind him, smiling mischievously. "I hope by now you have an idea what I had in mind!"

The Doctor halted his jogging, Rose looking tired but otherwise confused. Rose had to tilt her head all the way up just to get a decent glimpse of the London Eye in all its colorful glory, the Doctor looking excited. A pit formed in her stomach at the knowledge of what he was leading into.

"You… want to ride with me on the Eye?" she asked, still confused.

"Yeah, why?"

Rose scrunched up her nose. "Well… why now, though? And why the Eye? I mean… wha—"

"You don't want to go on." It wasn't a question. Rose glanced up again, suddenly feeling a bit flighty. She fiddled with her scarf, the Doctor noticing her movements and slumped. If she didn't feel so nervous, Rose would have found it adorable how disappointed he looked, almost pouting, presuming her rejection.

"I mean—"

"It's fine, Rose, I should have let you go home—"

"No, Doctor," Rose said suddenly, looking back up. "It's fine, I'd love to go on it with you." She gave him a warm smile, putting hair behind her ear and for a moment he thought she actually did want to, but he knew better. The Doctor noticed that she looked scared. In the time he knew her, the Doctor never saw her so frightened. He glanced up at the London Eye, eyebrow raised as he settled on her face again. She was still looking at the little pods where people stood high up in the air, wetting her lips.

"You're scared of heights."

Rose turned back to him suddenly, as though startled out of her thought process. "Wha'?"

He smiled, a genuine smile that split his face and Rose hated how smug he looked.

"Oi! You laughin' at me?"

"No, no! I just…" he chuckled. "I didn't take you for someone scared of heights. You face down aliens like you've done it all your life and a ride in the air gives you the shivers."

Rose bit her lip, her eyes side-lining the people passing in front of her who were getting tickets. She nodded her head. "Yeah. Yeah 'm just… I hate being really high, 's all."

The Doctor took her hand, pulling her into a hug. "Rose Tyler, you have nothing to fear. So, whaddya say? Want to give it another go? Get over your fears and all that jazz?" His smile was encouraging, wanting her to come with him. He saw her look at him again, still looking nervous for reasons he couldn't seem to understand as it came out of the blue, but noticed that her eyes warmed and she smiled his favorite smile again.

"Oh, all right then," she said, hugging him and digging her face into his jumper, his leather jacket shielding her from the cold. "Let's go get some tickets. And don't you be a cheap date, you're buyin' this time."

"That a girl!" he said. "Brave Rose Tyler, that's her. And yes, I have money with me, how dare you doubt me!"

She giggled, but the way she gripped his hand like a lifeline didn't satisfy his curiosity.

* * *

The Doctor hated seeing Rose like this. He'd barely seen her blink the whole time, the ride starting up as the Doctor immediately went to the glass walls surrounding them. Rose seated herself on the bench, thankful that there weren't a lot of people there to suffocate her in the small space. The Doctor wanted to show her London from this height but she couldn't bring herself to join him. She hated being near the glass.

The Doctor glanced back to see her looking away to stare into space, and his hearts went out to her. He walked back over, sitting beside her with a small smile. "London looks beautiful from up here and we aren't even at the top yet. Did you want to try?"

Rose glanced back at the spot he was just standing and then back at him, noticing that he had his hand up as if to take, and she laughed when he raised his brow in mock offense.

"You being the cheap date now?" he joked.

Rose gave him a tight smile, willing herself to at least appease the daft alien. She knew he joked around a bit to hide something else he was thinking about. Somehow she had a feeling that he brought her here for a reason and not just to go on a ride to see a place she's lived all her life. Nodding mutely, she stood up, her heart in her throat.

They stood in silence, Rose not as close to the glass as he was but the Doctor noted that she did seem to be coping well for someone presumably scared of heights. Rose glanced at him, his blue eyes almost glowing from the lights outside. She realized that he was her anchor, at least as they were still in the little space high up in the air. Not once did she ever have to feel frightened when her Doctor was there, his solid body an impenetrable wall incapable of shattering. She swallowed, hating that she wasn't appreciating the sights as much as the Doctor was, and put her hand in his, where it fit perfectly as always.

"Sometimes I don't know if I can keep Jackie's promise."

The Doctor's sudden confession got her out of her thoughts, her eyes never once looking towards the glass.

"Sometimes, Rose, I like to see the little things. Just as an affirmation that I can save it. I can do that. I can save worlds. Save people. London, in all its glory, is just another city on another world that I can make a decision and keep things in order. I appreciate you Rose, being in my life. And I… I don't know what I would do if—"

"Doctor," Rose said, squeezing his hand as he finally turned to look at her, ice in his gaze now. She hated it when he got like this, blaming himself, endless guilt on his shoulders. "'m not goin' anywhere, ya hear? Can't get rid of me that easily."

A ghost of smile passed over his face. "I know. Bless you for dealing with me. I don't know how you manage it."

"Is that why you brought me here, Doctor? Just to say that?"

He shook his head, looking back towards the glass, though the ice had melted in his gaze. "I wanted you to see London." He paused, taking in a breath and letting it out. "A reminder of what you could have."

She said nothing—a silent confirmation that she knew what he was talking about. It wasn't the first time she heard it, but the situation reminded her not to feel exasperated on his inability to comprehend that she wanted to stay with him no matter what.

Turning towards the glass for the first time, she noticed that they had just passed the tip-top, and they were now making their way back down to the loading area. For a moment, Rose could see all of London, the moon almost half way into the sky, despite the dark clouds blocking out the stars she could barley see. She smiled slightly, feeling at ease and told herself that she could do this; she could stay on the Eye and be okay.

She dared herself to look down towards the river. It was a mistake.

The Doctor, sharp as a blade, picked up on her change of breath. As if his hands on her shoulders were a method to coax the truth from her, she immediately felt dizzy and he made her walk back to the benches. He could tell Rose was on the verge of a panic attack, and he felt stupid in forcing her into this.

"Rose, hey," he said quietly. "You're okay, you're okay; we're almost on the ground. Just a few more minutes and we'll go back to Jackie's, yeah?"

She only nodded, the feeling of his arms draped over her shoulders grounding her again and she gave him a strained smile. It was enough to let him know that she was going to be all right, despite the waves of anxiety that came over her. Wetting her lips and willing herself not to break down and cry, she turned back towards him to see a look of empathy in his eyes. To the Doctor's surprise she scooted closer to him and wrapped him in a hug, and he gratefully accepted. At first they didn't realize that the pod they sat inside had halted.

* * *

The walk back was tragically quiet. They still held hands, but their conversations laced with wit had silenced. Rose immediately let out a breath she had been holding the moment they disembarked the ride, the anxiety dwindling but she still felt like running. At least the Doctor was there to give her that kind of distraction—a trip in the TARDIS sounded like the perfect way to release that desire to run.

"Back to the TARDIS?" she asked over the heavy silence as they neared the Powell Estate.

The Doctor, startled out of the heavy silence, looked at her and gave her a small grin. "Back to the TARDIS."

Jackie was about to rip the Doctor a new one at having heard that her daughter was once again leaving despite the circumstances that day, but her motherly ways didn't convince Rose to stay. The Doctor felt immensely proud at that, though he didn't want to show it. After Jackie's tearful goodbyes and Mickey's grumblings about Rose's departure, the Doctor practically dragged her back to his ship, eager to get away from the domestic atmosphere he somehow tolerated when it came to his companion.

Yet Rose's behavior hadn't changed; she was still withdrawn, her eagerness to go to another world not showing even as he pranced about the TARDIS like a gazelle in an attempt to get her happy. It didn't work.

"—I swear, every time I try to take you to the planet Barcelona the TARDIS always redirects the route, the cheeky girl. But you know wha'? I'm going to go there right now and—"

"Doctor."

He stopped, seeing her impassive stare at him with a hint of vulnerability, and cancelled the trip (though the TARDIS was going to redirect them anyway, so why did he bother?). "Rose, are—"

"'m tired right now. 's been a long day. Slitheen wantin' to turn the Earth into sellable rocks an' all that. 'm gonna go take a kip."

And with that, she left the console room, leaving the Doctor dazed and confused. Hadn't she wanted to go back on the TARDIS? Why did she want to come back only to sleep? There wouldn't be a need to with them still at the Powell Estate. A fear he selfishly thought often was that she was reconsidering her promise to stay with him, and wondered if this was the point in which she took her promise back. A quick search in her timeline proved that false.

 _Well, then. I'll just have to find out myself._

* * *

The sudden desire to not run for her life on another planet left her the moment she stepped on the TARDIS. The old time ship hummed in greeting, but she didn't have the heart to answer back. Now she was warbling in her mind gently, asking what was wrong. She looked up at the ceiling to her makeshift room, which didn't look that different from her bedroom at the estate. She left the TARDIS know that she didn't want the empathy at the moment.

Despite her desire to sleep, it didn't come. She stayed awake, her thoughts drifting back to the London Eye and feeling a wave of panic go through her again. She shoved it down, not wanting to relive it again but couldn't help but drift back to the one person she kept thinking about whenever she saw that stupid ride.

Rose thought she was over it—done and out of the way since she got a job a few years after, her life mundane but safe. Yet it resurfaced again, as it always did. She suppressed tears, knowing she shed enough before the Doctor came into her life to sweep her away from a basic human existence.

Meanwhile, a tentative Doctor stood in front of Rose's bedroom door, knowing that this was breaking yet another rule with his companions. He didn't enter their rooms, even with permission, to avoid breaking a silent code of privacy. Yet there he was, this impossible human girl making him want to cross the threshold. He brooded to himself on that, and knocked.

Rose jumped at the sound, but couldn't bring herself to answer. She didn't really want to talk to him about this. He'd probably think she was daft, mulling over something that wasn't really that important. She heard the TARDIS give out an approval of some sort, most likely directed at her pilot, and she grumbled at that when she felt the doorknob turn.

Rose didn't even look in his direction, though her eyes did shift at his presence. For a few moments she saw him linger at the doorway before leaving the door ajar as he made his way to her bed. Finally drawing her eyes to his, she saw a question in his eyes and patted the bed as an answer.

The Doctor struggled with this moment in time. He felt the timelines shifting just by this small decision to sit with her, in her bedroom. Alone. He tried not to think inappropriately. Now was not the time for that. Because for some reason Rose was upset at something and she needed to be coaxed.

For a few minutes they sat in silence, the Doctor still heavily confused but Rose felt an overwhelming urge to tell him suddenly. This was her one chance to put it behind her; telling her mum would have made her furious, or cause her to coddle her like a child and she didn't want that. The only person she told was her closest friend Shareen, and she had been so kind and considerate. But she felt alone in her plight, even after all those years.

She sighed, drawing the Doctor out of his own thoughts of panic over the situation. Rose gazed at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears, and immediately he called to attention. He wasn't stupid as to believe it came out of nowhere.

"I was with a boy when I was sixteen. He was my first love, Jimmy. We were happy an' he treated me nice, an' Mum even liked him when she met 'im. We were only dating for a few weeks an', one night, he wanted to take me on a date down to the London Eye. 've been there before, but 've only been on the Eye a couple times and so I wasn't expectin' much. It was super late, I dunno what time. I only knew that it was past 11 or so.

"So… he wanted to take me on it. There were a lot of people but they all went into one pod, but we were the ones who couldn't go on it because it was really full. We were the only ones left in line so we got a pod all to ourselves. I mean… it was nice an' all, and we talked, but…"

The Doctor noticed her demeanor shift. Her eyes were downcast, her fingers playing with her peroxide blonde hair and she seemed so incredibly vulnerable that he really wondered what made her feel so defeated. He had a feeling he knew the next part of her story.

"He asked about having sex. Like… sex right there, in the pod, as a bit of fun and mischief. I dunno if there were ever cameras on there, but I guessed not. I was a virgin so I was really, really nervous and didn't feel like I was ready. And we weren't really properly doin' anything serious so I refused it. He got really mad, sayin' he wanted it to be special and thought it would be cool to do it in the air, about how I was bein' selfish because I should be grateful. I felt really scared and I didn't want to do it but… but he…"

She let tears go down, hating that the Doctor had to see her like this but had to tell it. She couldn't bottle it up anymore. And she trusted him more than herself.

"He took my wrists and forced me against the glass, an' I felt 'im feelin' his way down and before I knew it he was pushin' my jeans down an' made me sit on the floor. And I just looked at the Thames and just waited for it to be over. An' it hurt an'—"

Before she could fully break down and cry, the Doctor's arms were around her again, and his embrace felt different. It felt like home, and she let it consume her. The Doctor didn't speak.

He cursed to himself at having let himself believe it had anything to do with him. How foolish was he to think that when Rose was scared and felt so alone with this information now open to him? And yet, he found a great amount of respect for her, for being brave enough to talk to a 900-something-year-old Time Lord about something as personal as that. It further solidified how much he was drawn to her.

For a few moments longer they sat in silence, Rose's sobs disappearing in his leather jacket and eventually reduced to whimpers and sniffles. He rubbed her back, brushing some locks of hair out of the way and brought her away from the comfort of his chest, taking her cheeks in his hands.

"Rose, why didn't you let me know?" he asked her, his blue eyes seeping into her and all Rose saw was warmth. "If I had known that happened I wouldn't ha—"

"Stop it," she snapped. "You didn't know."

"I should have guessed. I should have realized that it wasn't just a silly fear of heights. You weren't acting like yourself and I know I sensed something was wrong. I'm sorry, Rose."

She got out of his grasp, a little roughly if the Doctor thought so, and she bit her lip. "Yeah, well… it's over now. That was three years ago, so whatever."

The Doctor couldn't breathe, watching her fiddle with her hair and wished she wasn't so guarded. Yet he couldn't blame her. "Am I the only person you told?"

"No," she replied, still finding her hair the most fascinating thing in the world. "I told my mate Shareen."

The Doctor shook his head. "Jackie? Rickey? The police, maybe?"

Rose stayed silent, resisting the urge to correct Mickey's name.

"Why not?"

She simply shrugged her shoulders, feigning nonchalance. "Dunno. Didn't want them to worry."

"'Didn't want them to worry?'" he said, incredulous.

Rose gave him a glare, knowing that this same shit was coming.

"Rose, I know the justice system is in the gutter in the 21st century, but—"

"Who would care?" Rose snapped, her laugh sardonic. "'m just a shop girl from the estate. Who would honestly, truly, give a single _fuck_ about me? 'm already ashamed, Doctor. I didn't wanna tell you because then you'll keep tellin' me what I should have done and I'm so sick of it!"

She was getting up to storm out, the Doctor immediately getting up with her, urging himself to not say something stupid so he wouldn't screw up his relationship with her. He immediately grasped her hand before she got far, her angry glare still making her look as beautiful and as fearless as he'd always seen her.

"I _give a fuck_ , Rose Tyler."

His gentle tone despite the harsh words caused her to drop her anger, though she stood defiant and wary. She still held his hand.

"What you told me doesn't change what I think about you, Rose. I want you to remember that. I thought you knew why I asked you to travel with me— _twice_ , by the way."

Rose was still quiet, awaiting him to finish.

"Because you're brilliant, and you're clever and you're passionate. No amount of time spent in that estate will take that away. I don't care what that _wanker_ said or did to you, because that doesn't change why I chose you as my companion."

Sniffling, Rose tore her gaze away from him, knowing she shouldn't have taken out so much frustration on him when he was just trying to help. It wasn't easy for him, being an alien and not really knowing how to properly approach such topics. She laced her fingers between his, giving it a gentle squeeze because she was afraid of saying anything else offensive or emotional. He squeezed right back.

"You have a right to be angry. You have a right to hate. Trust me, I understand. But promise me one thing. Don't direct all that anger and hate on yourself. You're so much more than that, Rose Tyler."

 _You're so much more to_ me _._

Slowly, Rose lifted her lips in a small smile, wiping stray tears away with the hand not holding on to the Doctor's. "'m sorry I was such a bitch."

"Rose," the Doctor said testily. His voice softened, not wanting to be cross over something as sensitive as… well, the word he didn't want to repeat in his head when it came to her. "It was never, _ever_ your fault. Never. I'm sorry if you ever thought I made you feel otherwise."

"You didn't," she sniffed. "I just get tired of hearin' the same things. It's always, 'what were you wearing that night', and 'how much have you had', 'why didn't you go to the police'… an' things like that. I just didn't want to get put into that category."

The Doctor didn't want to think of how many times she might have berated herself over something as sacred, or at least as important to a sixteen-year-old, as her virginity. And feeling tainted for it as soon as her 'boyfriend' (his blood boiled at even calling him that) thought she wasn't worth respect. "I know, Rose," he said simply. "I know."

Once again she was drawn back into his arms, wanting to _love_ him and let him know how much she appreciated his words. The same thoughts put on repeat for so many years were silenced, if only for a short while.

"Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor smiled, looking down at his precious human with her warm body around his. "You don't even have to say it."

"Yeah, I do," she said, his favorite smile on her face again and she gripped his hand again, leading him back out of her bedroom door. "Because you take me everywhere and every _when_ in time and space and I don't think anybody's said thank you. So thank you, Doctor."

He fell just a little bit more in love with her then.


End file.
